VirPed Panel: 24 March 2024

“Pluh” asks:

Why children? Why not people your age?

Because I’ve only very rarely had ANY attraction to an adult or a peer…..and I have tried to feel SOMETHING like that with an adult or peer. I just can’t so the best I can feel towards an adult is friendship. Kids (specifically boys) bring joy into my world; I can’t say that adults (generally) do - I’m just reminded everywhere of what I don’t feel (both emotionally and sexually). Plus a boy just beginning to figure out their place in the world….that makes me feel warm and fuzzy; can’t explain any other way.

The most popular answer in a poll asking that question is “fuck knows”.

Seriously, it’s the same as asking someone why they’re gay. There is no scientifically accepted answer. It’s innate? It’s learned? These are only theories. Some feel certain they know why, but the majority don’t know.

I’ve asked myself the same question a lot since I first noticed I had these feelings for kids. I’ve heard many theories, but I don’t know what the correct answer is. I have certain deep feelings for kids, and lack them for mature adults. I don’t know why.

I’m non-exclusive, but even I think adults look weird. They have lumps of flesh where they shouldn’t be. They look greasy. Little girls have everything in the correct place. They are the correct shape and size and their faces are the prettiest. The sound of a little girl’s voice can send shivers down my spine.

Someone else on the forum described the way it feels in a way that resonated with me: This is my vanilla. It doesn’t feel abnormal. It feels like the one normal thing.

I should also mention, nothing made me this way. There is no life event I can trace my paedophilia back to. I had a normal childhood. Some people are just like this, and that’s ok.

Why anything or anybody? This question feels as though the asker believes we chose our attractions, and if we just “try” or “choose” to be attracted to adults we will be. We certainly did not choose our attractions any more than the asker did, though I invite them to try to be attracted to children or to a gender that they are not inclined to be attracted to and see how that works for them. I simply find young boys attractive, some men are attractive too, but not as much and not in the same way.

Firstly, I don’t know.

Secondly, it probably wouldn’t help me even if I found out why. I need to live with this ethically anyway.

My favourite theory (which a couple of scientists have suggested, but hasn’t been proven): Nearly all human beings are “programmed” to view children with an “awwww” reaction. The way they look activates gentle, protective feelings in us. It’s possible that my brain has a mis-wiring somewhere. For me the sight of certain male children of 7 and up (not all of them) can activate sexual interest in addition to the “awwww” response.

How it does that, I honestly don’t know. It probably got mis-wired early on in my life before I even had sexual feelings per se. I wasn’t consulted about the process. It just happened.

When I look at a young girl, I never have any sexual feelings, I only get the “awww” - or alternatively I just don’t really notice her. Basically my brain is normal for girls and many boys but has an extra sexual response to certain boys.

As other respondents have noted above before attempting to answer this question, lets back up the truck. “Why” implies some sort of choice, that the embryonic me was given a menu from which I was able to choose my attraction, and for whatever puckish, impulsive reason I picked the most stigmatized and frustrating option, even though I realized it is universally loathed, as though I was picking the initial difficulty level on a video game, and for whatever reason chose “nightmare."

That may have not been the intention of the questioner, but it is how many of us feel when we asked this question.

Why kids? I don’t know. Why red hair, why Down’s syndrome, why diabetic or short statured? I can’t help you with “why?” I can tell you why not, however. I am not minor attracted because I am evil, stupid, or a masochist. I appear to have been born this way.

I try not to be bitter; (still working on it!). I try not to self-loathe. I also have been blessed with many fortunate attributes that I did nothing to deserve, and I must take the good with the bad.

But please do not assume this is anyone’s rational choice. We are playing the cards we were dealt with as much skill and courage as possible.

Why adults? Why women? Why men? No one knows why they’re attracted to the type of people that they are. Science doesn’t know. I think it’s a part of how the human brain works to try to make sense over our thoughts or behavior that don’t come from the rational part of our brain, but I feel as though this is really just an attempt to find a pattern out of something.

The story that I have come up with is that I had a lot of sexual experiences with girls my same age when I was prepubescent, and this was exciting to me. Though this is true, I have no idea if this is why I’m attracted to children or not. Still, there are people on the forum that have the exact opposite story, that sexuality was suppressed toward them for a long time, and it bubbled out from that.

Human sexuality is very complex. Hopefully, we’ll have a stronger grasp on it someday.

Maybe if I knew the answer to that, I would know how to change the attraction. There is no answer to this. (Speaking to the one who asked the question) You may as well ask yourself why you’re attracted to who you are. The answer would be the same if we could know it.

I have no idea. I can tell you what about kids I’m attracted to but as to why I’m into that stuff as opposed to anything else, couldn’t tell you. I don’t think anyone truly knows.

It just “is”. People ask what characteristics of little girls I like, and my best answer is, “everything that makes them little girls”.

I’m also attracted to adult women, so that experience maybe lets me describe my experience in a way to help “ordinary” people trying to understand.

Suppose for the moment you’re an ordinary hetero man – a category that encompasses the vast bulk of the adult men. What is it you like about women? Perhaps there are certain body parts you really like, but if you’re the sort of guy who falls in love with women, that’s not likely to be your answer regarding one you love. You like women because they are women, with everything that entails. Now consider… Why don’t you like adult men? You know it’s extremely common that women will like adult men. We know this from a young age and take it for granted, but do you really understand it? If asked to say what they like, women are likely to mention men being taller, muscular, having a deep voice, maybe some of those typical male personality traits, and maybe they’d talk about the stuff between your legs. Maybe even a scratchy face or facial hair, whichever the man has. But now that they’ve told you that, do you really GET it? Can you imagine running your hand along that scratchy face and feeling turned on?

Of course the same idea works with ordinary hetero women, with everything reversed.

Gay men may be equally mystified as to why some men like women, and lesbians may be equally mystified as to why most women like men. If you’re truly bisexual, then the experiment won’t necessarily work for you.

And of course just because you like a class of people doesn’t mean you like ALL people in that class. Personality, age, body type can all enter into it. And the same goes for pedophiles, where especially notable differences are gender and age.

I agree with a lot of what’s been said here. Nobody truly knows what causes our attractions, and nobody chooses their attractions. None of us woke up and decided to be attracted to children. Why on Earth would we choose to be part of one of the most hated groups of people in society? We just have our attractions, they’re a part of us, that’s it. We don’t know why they’re there, and we don’t kno why we’re not interested in people our own age. I certainly sometimes wish I was attracted to other adults, but I’m not.

It is what it is, really. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. If I knew, I would explain. But I don’t think there’s a definitive answer.

Why kids, huh?

Yeah jeez, I don’t know. Wish somebody gave me a choice like they apparently gave you. Wait, nobody gave you a choice either. Nobody chooses their sexuality. I never chose to be attracted to kids. And exclusively at that. Some think it’s head trauma (I didn’t have any) some think it’s CSA (I didn’t have any), some think it’s a miswiring, which is not impossible, I’d say. Whatever the reason, I am done asking myself why, because nobody really knows. I just know that I am attracted to kids. To me, they are attractive, not adults. My question is always, how do I make tomorrow a good day? Because in the end that is what matters. Being happy and making life good. I’ve been able to do that in spite of the cards I was dealt.

I’ve tried explaining this to a friend whom I’m out to aswell. I’ve asked him why he is in love with his wife. He talks about her personality, her body, certain body parts. And I go: “Bingo.” It’s the exact same thing I feel for young boys. Their personality, their bodies, certain body parts being more attractive than others. A fully developed man is just ewwww, while a little boy is the opposite.