The word ‘pedophile’ is thrown around these days to mean all kinds of things and behaviors, which means many people fear they are pedophiles when they aren’t.
You are a pedophile if:
- you often experience sexual and/or romantic attraction to prepubescent children
- you are well into or past puberty yourself
You are a hebephile if:
- you often experience sexual and/or romantic attraction to children in the early stages of puberty
- you are past puberty yourself
You can’t be counted as a pedophile or hebephile if:
- you haven’t yet reached the age of puberty
The following things don’t reveal whether you’re a pedophile or not:
- your birth sex or your current gender
- the gender(s) you are attracted to
- how you dress
- being attracted to children when you were their age
- being able to tell which children will be attractive when they grow up
- being attracted to sexually mature teenagers or to much younger adults, regardless of your own age
- being sexually abused when underage
- having sexual experiences when underage
- having seen CSAM (child sexual abuse material) or CSEM (child sexual exploitation material), even if frequently
- having sexually abused anyone, even if it was a child
- attractions to things, activities, or beings that are not human children
- having or lacking sexual and/or romantic interest in adults
- the number of sexual experiences you had, even if zero
- the level of your sex drive
- being kinky about things to do with childhood (e.g. ageplay, ABDL)
- wishing you were a child
- your political views on issues affecting children
- your views about pedophilia
- being friends with (or avoiding being friends) with pedophiles
You might have pedophilic Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (pOCD), but not necessarily pedophilia, if
- you obsessively wonder if you are a pedophile, despite no clear evidence you’re attracted to children. Find out more in the link below.
We get a lot of emails from worried people who think they are pedophiles but aren’t. We also get some from people who are looking to find reasons they may not be pedophiles, even though they are.
It’s important to understand that ‘pedophile’ has a specific meaning.
If it applies to you, then, OK, it applies to you. There’s nothing to fear in acknowledging it to yourself. Hopefully the rest of our site can help you work out what to do about it next.
If it doesn’t apply to you, then, OK, you’re something other than a pedophile. Your search to find out what you are instead can continue on some other part of the Internet. Have a great day.
The word ‘pedophile’ is thrown around these days to mean all kinds of things and behaviors, which means many people fear they are pedophiles when they aren’t.
It’s important to understand that ‘pedophile’ has a specific meaning. This section is designed to help you work out if it applies to you.
Don’t panic. You are a pedophile, but it’s only a part of who you are. You are not alone. There are a lot of people like you who have this attraction and still go on to live satisfying lives and never try to seek sexual activity with a child.
You’re brave. Most people in your situation find it hard to reach out for more information. Whether you’re sure or not that you are a pedophile, there are ways you can find support.
The VirPed forum is for adults, but we can offer you some thoughts here on our website and point you to places where there is more information and support.
We get a lot of emails from people who don’t think they are pedophiles, but constantly worry that they might be. When we ask them whether they’re attracted sexually or romantically to children, they reply something like “No, but sometimes I worry that I’m just in denial.”
It’s really hard to know what is going on for these people but recently the condition of POCD is becoming better known, and it’s a possible explanation for their feelings.
Firstly, thank you for coming to this website to find out more. Whether this news has made you panic or made you thoughtful, we can hopefully give you some perspective on the secret you now know.
There are many pedophiles. We do not choose to be attracted to children, and we cannot make that attraction go away.
Virtuous doesn’t mean we think we’re better than the average person, just that we’re not worse. We have been dealt a hand by life: we do not choose to be attracted to children, and we cannot make that attraction go away, but we can resist any intention of abusing children sexually.
There are many of us, but few people know we exist.
Our panel of VirPed forum members have all written on social media sites in the past about their life experiences and answered questions from the curious. If you ask a question here we will pass it on to them and share their answers on this page.
Submit questions and read our answers